come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
