It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
