Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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