he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize