lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
