it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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