i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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