i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
