i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's rum buckets o'clock
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
