ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
