I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
