His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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