I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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