She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
