I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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