the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
