AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
