I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
