She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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