You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
