Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
