Pants 0. Shit 1.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
