At least make sure they are 18
Why
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
