i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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