This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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