i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
