Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Umm I'm too high to move.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
