Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
