Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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