I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
