Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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