He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
