FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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