We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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