How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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