Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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