Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
