wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
