please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize