she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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