glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am in a vortex of obligation.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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