Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
