Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just had sex bonerless
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
