this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
