The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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