did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
