Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You need a sexual gate keeper
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
