6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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