dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize