am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
