names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize