he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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