I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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