My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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