Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
