K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
