I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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