Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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