What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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