i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
