I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
